the silence that I wish to hear is merely a whisper now

One night following a phone call with Veterans Affairs and dealing with the bureaucracy, I felt incredibly angry and had the urge to break something. Instead I found myself tearing the photographs I took during my tour in Afghanistan into small pieces.  As I stood over the scattered mess on my floor with tears in my eyes I started to laugh because it looked like camouflage. No matter how hard I tried to push away from the military it drew me back in. In that moment I chose to sit with my feelings and began to tediously sew the small fragments into a large camouflage net using embroidery thread.  On January 11, 2015 I wore nothing but the camouflage net wrapped around my body and stood on a beach with my back to the camera. When I was completely numb from the cold I let go of the net. 

Camouflage, torn photographs and embroidery thread, 8ft x 6ft, January 2015.

The silence that I wish to hear, Performance, Video, 11 January 2015.

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